You have the Power to heal your Shame

You Have the Power to Heal Your Shame

Shame is a complex human emotion that we all experience at one time or another. You might feel shame because of something about your appearance, events related to your family, or even a lack of education. You might feel you’re not worthy somehow. Shame shows itself in many forms.

Even if you struggle greatly with managing your shame, trust in the knowledge that you can heal it.

Consider the following methods to strengthen your emotional health and soothe your spirit:

  1. Identify shame’s presence. Because we tend to try to cover up that which embarrasses or demeans us, you’ll probably need to do some personal confrontation of your own emotions.

  2. Are there particular people in whose presence you feel embarrassed? If so, why?

  3. Perhaps when you’re in a specific type of situation, you notice that you tend to close down emotionally or feel numb.

  4. Begin to take note of when your emotions are either stirred up or flat (which means you feel nothing at all).

  5. Recognize you’re “only as sick as your secrets.” In the counseling profession, there is a saying: “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” This adage means that the things about ourselves that we keep to ourselves are the exact issues that we need to acknowledge and do something about.

  6. Consider discussing your shame with someone you trust. Because shame can be a tough emotion to handle, it’s helpful to have someone you can talk to about it. Whether it’s a close friend, your partner, or a professional, it will free you to put words on those feelings.

  7. The more you talk about it, the better you’ll be able to gain some understanding about what triggers your feelings of shame. Not only that, but also talking about your shame de-mystifies it and makes it something real that you can resolve.

  8. A mental health or counseling professional is trained to facilitate people in identifying their troubling issues and learning to understand and manage challenging feelings. If you believe you could benefit from this type of assistance, by all means, avail yourself of it.

  9. Be brave. It requires courageto share your insecurities with another person. Your bravery reveals your passion, strength, and optimism.

  10. Learn to love yourself. No matter what your shortcomings, you deserve to experience the uplifting feelings you can get from self-love. Even though you think you have a lot of spiritual “blemishes,” you must allow yourself to see your real beauty within.

  11. Connect with your spiritual power. Whether it’s your religion, an interest in Eastern philosophy, or a strong belief in Mother Earth, establish a connection with whatever spiritual power you believe in.
  • When you have a spiritual power you can lean on, you’ll likely find solace and the strength to face and resolve your personal shame.

  • Have confidence that you’ll overcome. At some point in life, we all have our difficulties to deal with, our challenges to manage. Reach deep within yourself and you’ll find the confidence to persevere.
  • Remember that you’ve resolved challenges before and know that you can conquer this one, too.

Shame is a normal human emotion that we’ve all felt. If you’re willing to do the work, you can resolve the hurt and shame you feel inside. Use the methods outlined above to move forward toward a happier, more rewarding life. You do have the power to heal your shame.

Hey, my FREE Pilot mini-course is out. Be the first one to Sign UP!

7 Proven Ways to Identify, Avoid and Overcome Triggers.

silhouette photography of birds in flight and perched on electricity line
Photo by Elizabeth Tr. Armstrong on Pexels.com

We all have people, places and situations that trigger us emotionally in negative ways. Learn how to recognize your triggers and take proven steps to overcome them and reach emotional health.

Sign UP for FREE below!

https://unstuckmama.teachable.com/p/7-proven-ways-to-identify-avoid-and-overcome-triggers

7 Methods to Successfully Curb Your Frustration

loving son supporting mother and hugging
Photo by Keira Burton on Pexels.com

7 Methods to Successfully Curb Your Frustration

Regardless of how calm you are most of the time, you might still have those moments when your frustration level seems to go sky high. The challenging aspect of feeling frustrated is the urgency you feel to express those upsetting feelings.

However, you’ve no doubt learned you’ve got to “keep a lid on” your feelings in certain situations because, if you don’t, you only create more difficulties for yourself.

In such exasperating times, try these strategies to handle your frustrations:

  1. Take some deep breaths. Although this strategy sounds like it might not help at all, the fact is that breathing techniques really work. If you use the wellness guru, Andrew Weil’s, “4-7-8” technique for breathing, you’ll discover you can calm yourself down rather quickly. Here’s how it works:

  2. Breathe in through your nose to the count of 4.

  3. Then, hold in your breath to the count of 7.
     
  4. Finally, breathe out through your mouth to the count of 8. Focus on blowing out all of the air from your lungs in this step.

  5. If you take four 4-7-8 breaths in a row, your frustration will likely dissipate and you’ll feel better.

  6. Disengage. If you’re in a situation where you can briefly leave the room, excuse yourself to exit. Go to the restroom or for a quick walk in the building or around the parking lot. Physically disengaging from the frustrating event will nearly always help your frustration level to drop.

  7. Challenge yourself to say nothing. Probably the toughest suggestion on this list to actually do, saying nothing means you won’t compound any developing difficulty in the room. Although you have a right to your feelings, it’s not always wise to voice them, especially if you’re feeling quite frustrated at the time.

  8. Be proactive. Try to anticipate when you might feel frustrated so you can ponder how you’ll handle it if it happens.

  9. For example, maybe you’ve got a brother-in-law, Paul, who seems to always push your buttons and get you feeling pretty irritated. And you just happen to be going out to dinner with Paul and your sister this evening.

  10. Ask yourself, “How can I prepare now to keep my frustration at bay or to handle it if Paul triggers me?” Thinking about it ahead of time will help you tap in to your own strategies to keep a handle on your frustration.

  11. Learn to distinguish between things that really matter and the “small stuff.” Does the situation you’re getting so annoyed about really matter in the grand scheme of things? Save your emotional agitation for something that’s truly important. When you can establish these differences in your mind, you’ll be better able to ignore some of the small stuff.
  • Ask yourself, “Will this really make a difference a year from now? 5 years?” If not, you can usually put it in the category of the “small” stuff.

  • Another way of using this concept is to “pick your battles.” Save the battles for the big stuff.

  • Distract yourself. If you get irritated when only 2 or 3 people are present, it’s best to distract yourself with thoughts of things you have to do at home or looking for something in your briefcase or purse. Maybe you notice a lovely painting on the wall in the restaurant where you’re dining.

  • You can avoid simple frustrations by either thinking about or doing something to take your mind away from the frustrating topic.
     
  • Focus on another person in the room. If you’re in a group of people and someone says or does something that frustrates you, turn to the person next to you and ask how she’s doing. It’s fairly easy to disengage from the person who’s irritating you and talk to someone else whenever others are close by.

You have the power to curb your frustration. You can take deep breaths, disengage, avoid commenting, anticipate developing frustration, and learn to tell the difference between big things and the small stuff. You can also distract yourself or even focus on another person in the room.

These methods work! Try them the next time you’re feeling frustrated. You’ll feel so much better and your frustration will disappear!

Perfection vs. Excellence

tender woman with cosmetic mask on face
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Perfection vs. Excellence

There’s a huge difference between doing something well and doing it perfectly. Attempting to be perfect can bring on feelings of inadequacy and even interfere with completing important projects. Excellence, on the other hand, is attainable and is always more than good enough.

Eliminate the idea of perfection from your life and you’ll see your productivity soar. For example, a poorly written, but complete, book can still be published. But a perfectly composed book that’s only half finished is essentially worthless. Of course, there’s a middle ground between poor and perfect. And that terrain includes excellence.

The problem with perfection is that it can never be truly attained. So, in pursuing perfection, not only are you doomed to fail, but in the end, you also might have nothing to show for your efforts.

The Law of Diminishing Returns

Apply the Law of Diminishing Returns to striving for perfection:

Imagine if you spent 25 hours on a two-page paper for a college class. Would you get an A? I would certainly hope so, but what else may have suffered because of it? What about your other classes and obligations? Maybe instead you could have done something enjoyable.

The other thing to consider is this: could you have gotten an A with two hours of work? Or five? From a practical standpoint, the same results can often be attained with much less time and effort. There is nothing to be gained by spending more time on something than truly needed.

If you spent six hours washing and waxing your car and your neighbor spent two hours on his, do you think anyone could tell the difference a week later? More importantly, what else could you have accomplished with those extra four hours? Life is short, and there’s a lot to do. What else could you do with your time besides trying to be perfect?

Pursuing Excellence Instead

Of course, you’ll want to decide on the level of excellence you wish to attain before getting started on a project. Everything you do should have standards that you strive to attain. If you choose your benchmark of completion properly, there’s never a good reason to go beyond that point.

What exactly is excellent, anyway? In our discussion, excellent means that the task was completed at a high enough level that there’s no cause for concern. You know your work will meet whatever requirements are put upon it. Regardless of the nature of the task, you know that it’s done well enough and you have zero concerns about it.

When deciding how well a project really needs to be done, consider the possible outcomes if the task is completed at various levels of quality. Obviously, a surgical instrument requires a much higher level of quality than a spoon.

Once the proper level has been set, you now have a target, a goal that’s been chosen with some thought and intelligence. Now, simply perform the task to that level and stop. That task is completed, and it’s time to do something else.

Giving up a habit of pursuing perfection might seem challenging. However, you’ll be happier, more productive, and you’ll maintain your sanity much more easily by striving for excellence instead. Focus on exceeding expectations. In terms of time, quality, and productivity, excellence always wins in the end.

Understanding and Managing Your Emotional Triggers

woman looking to her left
Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

Understanding and Managing Your Emotional Triggers

Maybe you wonder what’s really going on when you feel like certain events push your buttons. Take control of your emotional triggers by increasing your awareness and developing new ways of responding.

Understanding Your Emotional Triggers

  1. Learn the definition of triggers. A trigger is an experience that draws us back into the past and causes old feelings and behaviors to arise. An ice cream sandwich may remind you of summer vacations or gossiping coworkers could bring back images of high school cliques.

  2. Spot external prompts. Some triggers are situational and social. Many people tend to eat more at holiday gatherings. If your spouse is tense, it may affect your own mood.

  3. Identify internal causes. Over time, anything can be internalized. Even when you’re surrounded by your loved ones, you may be carrying around old conflicts that interfere with your ability to live in the present moment.

  4. Realize we all have triggers. Much of the literature about triggers focuses on addictions. It’s important to remember that memory plays a powerful role in all our lives.

  5. Accept individual differences. If you’re startled by loud noises that your spouse fails to notice, you’ve seen how differently people react to the same stimulus. Taking such variety into account improves communications and relationships.

Managing Your Emotional Triggers

  1. Keep a journal. Tracking your triggers is often the first step in mastering them. It might be helpful to keep a log of occasions when you experience intense emotions or engage in behavior you want to change. Note what’s going on in your head and in your surroundings at the time.

  2. Challenge yourself. The key to change is placing yourself in difficult positions and being open to doing something new and more constructive. If worrying about money is keeping you up at night, call your creditors to arrange payment plans.

  3. Know your capacity. Proceed at your own pace. Start out by being more assertive with your spouse and friends if you need to practice before talking with your boss.

  4. Come up with alternatives. Take advantage of quiet times to brainstorm new strategies you can use when you are under pressure. List productive and enjoyable activities you can substitute for gambling or other habits you want to break.

  5. Make time to relax. Reducing daily stress will make it easier to handle intense emotions. Begin a daily meditation practice or start out the day by listening to instrumental music during your drive to the office.

  6. Consider therapy. If you’re having trouble making progress on your own, professional help could make a big difference.

  7. Live healthy. One simple way to make yourself more resilient is to take good care of your body and mind. Eat right, sleep well and exercise regularly. You’ll be better prepared to bounce back from any obstacles that may arise.

  8. Develop a strong support network. Close family and friends are vital to feeling validated and nurtured. When you’re dealing with stubborn issues, it’s good to know you have people who care about you and want to help.

  9. Show compassion. The more you know about your own triggers, the more insight you can develop into what the people around you may be struggling with. Strive to be a little more patient and forgiving and people will be more likely to do the same for you.

We all have our own unique emotional triggers. Learning to handle them constructively enables us to fix the issues that get in our way and move ahead in life.

Take inventory of your emotional triggers throughout all next week and comment below about what you have discovered.